I really did NOT wish Her Dead. Really

I really didn't want to wish that. All that I wished was both her and my FIL and her hubbie evil EJ who pre-deceased her by seven years to either shape up or get out of my life. Unfortunately, her death was the only way it would happen. I already knew that. I was in therapy for a couple years between the deaths of Evil JB and Evil EJ. My therapist actually said "Sometimes somebody has to die for a situation to get better." Again, while I did not want to "wish her dead", she helped me (a little) to not feel too guilty about my feelings. I really just wished her OUT OF MY LIFE since I knew better than to expect that she would ever change and that hubbie's attitude toward her was also not going to change.


So while I didn't grieve and I celebrate on the date of the anniversary of her death, it's not the death itself I celebrate, but the result of the death which is having her out totally out of my life.

I cut her out of my life as much as I could, but still always had to be watching my back because she was very much part of hubbie's life and very manipulative. Having me out of the picture and becoming a widow gave her more opportunities to manipulate. That being over. No more manipulation from her. No more going to visit the nasty haunted house. No more watching my back instead of looking forward. That is what I celebrate.

2 Year Anniversary

Two years ago today I became MIL-free.

While I always feared how my Hubbie would handle losing her (he was dedicated to mommy), he has done remarkably well. Only a couple times have I seen behaviors out of him that seemed related to that.

Our marriage is SO much better now. All of the MAJOR problems we have ever had were in-law related.

Now, I feel that instead of always "watching my back" I "look forward" to life. Before, if a holiday, vacation, etc was coming (even bad weather events), I had to have a Plan B for how to keep MIL from causing a problem. Now, I just look forward. Hubbie and I make our own plans and go forward with them. It's so nice.

Oh, and I got the freedom 25 years before I ever expected it. She has centenarians in her family tree. She was "only" 75 when she died. I expected at least 10-20 more years if not more of putting up with her. The last two years of my life have been so much better than the 22 years before that.

Hubbie is out of town tonight. I celebrated by watching The Wizard Of Oz on Video Tape (I'm going to make a DVD this weekend).

Had the Internet existed when I first got married, I believe that I would have had better tools to handle the situation rather than setting bad precedents of bending over backwards. The net is such a great resource of information and support groups. Instead, I muddled through on my own for the first ten years, thinking I was alone.

I don't mean to rub it in. I look forward to each and everyone of you sisters and brothers finding "in-law relief" in whatever way you are able to get it -- agreement with hubbie/wife, of a cutoff, MIL coming around (rare, but it has happened), or whatever else it takes for each of you to get peace.