Freedom Increases

It has been a while since I posted.  Which means that my freedom has increased.  Holidays seem to be the big time.


Last one listed was July 4.  My birthday came later.  50th birthday.  No worries.


Then Labor Day weekend which is a major event for the hobby I am in.  This event is officially Saturday and Sunday.  But it gets started about a week before.  Many people go earlier.  Because I went out of town to this event without hubbie, I always worried that if Evil JB got wind, she'd have hubbie over.  So I arranged it like this:  I took Friday off and went Friday and Saturday. I made a point of leaving there by 3:00 on Saturday which put me back home in time for a late dinner with hubbie.  That would not necessarily keep him from going to the in-laws, but it did the trick.


After evil JB passed, hubbie decided to get involved in this hobbie as well.  So he goes to the event with me now.  The thought of HER doing something to interfere of course, never came into play.  But then Saturday, he wanted to stay another day, but said "but you have your routine and feel that you HAVE to leave by 3:00".  I said "we can stay as long as you like.  I always left then so that I could get home to you.  Since we are together, that is no longer an issue."  And as a matter of fact, if hubbie had been going with me before Evil JB and Evil EJ left, I would have probably not been anxious to leave at all, but wanted to stay longer to be out of their clutches.


So that passed.


Now the big holiday season is approaching.


Wedding Anniversary, then Thanksgiving, the Christmas and New Years.
This year is 25th anniversary. Have not decided yet what to do.  At 20th anniversary, did not decide even up until leaving for trip.  My plan "get as far away as possible".  With the unsaid words being "away from EJ and JB" followed by "so that they can't spoil it."


This time, distance from them is not part of the equation. 


Then come Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years.  Since Not so Evil SIL, GR has no interest in hubbie, it's not an issue for that either.


Other people are trying to plan around their in-laws.  I can relax and say ahhhh.  There are still events I'd like to avoid.  The boring cocktail parties, etc.  But those events are ones that I would choose to attend over being around the Evils EJ and JB.


Hubbie does still have dreams of family with his sister.  But she barely acknowledges him.  She gives him last minute notice of things.  Last year I almost missed church on account of that.  This year I won't.  I will be participating in the service in some manner.

Independence Day, Part 2

I remember turning off the answering machine before holiday weekends because evil JB used the extra day as one that my hubbie, her son could do for her.

I always felt on edge on holidays.

This time, I did not feel that way. Just a relaxing three day weekend.

First Mood From Hubbie

I was worried about all of the first this and first that's after JB died. He was really pretty even in his moods over the year, even Christmas and the various anniversaries of deaths and birthdays.

OK, so right after Easter, he's in a really crabby mood. When Hubbie went to visit Evil JB and her Evil hubbie EJ, he always came home in a rotten mood, kind of a mean mood. I called it the "in-law hangover."

Sunday and Monday he was in that particular mood. I remember being at work thinking how I used to always be able to blame it on his Mother when he was in that mood, but now I couldn't. Later in the day, I remembered that it was right after a holiday. Not only that, but my Dad had been in town Friday night. I decided that perhaps because of the holiday, he had his parents on his mind and got into that mood he gets into with me after he'd had involvement with them.

I posted about this on the message board and got some interesting feedback:
From one:
"Men like your husband don't truly have mothers, instead they have a self surviving burden in the place of a mother."

And another response which really sums it up in a way that I never considered:
"Not only is he NOT coping with the emotional mess of a lifetime of dysfunction, but he's also lost his 'hero' badge. Every holiday of his life, from the sound of it, was spent 'rescuing' people, and now he doesn't even have the good feelings from bailing someone out on the holiday."

Christmas is Coming

This is a milestone I dreaded a little bit. With the exception of last year, hubbie spent every Christmas Eve with Mother in Law JB. Last year, he was out of work in his field, so he was working at a Big Box. He couldn't make it. It was a three hour drive. He worked late because the store didn't run straggling customers out and also getting ready for the day after Christmas sale. I hope he does not feel guilty about missing his Mother's last Christmas Eve. There was no reason to truly suspect it would be her last. She always said it would probably be her last, but that was her "woe is me" act. She had been saying that for 15 or 20 years. She was not worse off healthwise last year than any other year. As I have posted, her death was quick -- it was kind of a surprise. Hubbie's sister said that she didn't call anybody when JB went into the hospital because "I expected her to be home the next day like usual, so there was no more reason to call anyone than any previous hospital visit."

Anyway.... that was last year. I was braced for hubbie to be moody and upset over the loss of his mother all year, especially around holidays. He has been moody from time to time. But he has always been a little bit of a moody person. So far, I have not noticed any extra moodiness.

At least I don't have to worry about what she's going to try to pull to get extra attention, such as the Christmas incidents that I just posted about on my other blog.

So far so good!!!!

Thanksgiving: Another Ahhhhhhhh Moment

Thanksgiving every year my side of the family has all come to my house and I cook. This is my sister, parents, and 3 nephews. Sometimes my BIL, too. He works at a hospital and can't have both Thanksgiving and Christmas off, so it makes sense for the whole family.

I just found out today that one of the nephews has H1N1. My husband has a chronic (autoimmune) lung condition called Sarcoidosis, so getting any kind of lung infection, including the flu is very dangerous for him. He hasn't been able to get his H1N1 shot yet. (He's in remission from his condition right now. When he's in remission, he gets stupid and won't do any of the things he's supposed to do, then gets sick again. MEN!!!)

My Parents and Sis's family live next door to each other and have no boundaries. It's like one big family with two buildings for their home, the way that they go back and forth. So with a total of seven of them, one with H1N1 and none have gotten shots either, I'm kind of figuring it could still be going around Thanksgiving. I'm banning them from the house if anybody is sick the Sunday before and anybody else hasn't yet been sick yet. I just can't risk DH getting it. From what I've read, it attacks the lungs pretty bad.

I already told hubbie that nephew has H1N1 and Thanksgiving plans could be changed on account of it.

The ahhhhhh moment? Last year, or before with JB living, I would have NEVER given him that much advance notice that a holiday might be up in the air, for him to get time to blab to her and suddenly be planning on spending it with her. I am so relieved to be free to live my life without looking over my shoulder all of the time.

Labor Day -- Another Holiday, another Ahhhhh

Holidays are so much better now that MIL and FIL are both Down Below (and I don't mean in Australia -- that's Down UNDER)!

I have a convention for a hobby that I am in that starts the Sunday before Labor day and ends Labor Day Sunday. This convention is about three hours away, so I spend a night. The two biggest days used to be Saturday and Sunday before Labor Day. I started going Friday and Saturday so I could "be home in time to have dinner with" DH. That was basically to keep him from disappearing the entire weekend to the In-laws.

As I stated before, it was not him visiting them that bothered me. It was that when he visited, he spent hundreds of dollars on them and they wore him to the bone (sometimes literally) with chores. He would come home bruised and cut from jamming his hand while fixing something or something. And he would never bring tools or old clothes with him. So he ruined a set of clothes and had to buy new tools when there. THen he came home in a bad mood. So my reasons for not wanting him to visit were money, and his mood when he got home.



Now I still go Friday and Saturday and get home in time for supper on Saturday, but that is because those are now the two main days. Sunday is a winding-down day and there are more people in attendance on Friday than on Sunday.

Sometimes in past years I left before I really was quite ready on Saturday so I could be home in time. This year, I actually left a little earlier than that, but it was because things were winding down, not because I felt like I had to leave when I did. Again, it's a shifting of the traditions and when other people are there and things are going on. When I first started going Friday and Saturday, there were very few people there Friday. I had to pry myself away by 3pm Saturday. This time, I was really ready to go by 1pm, having done all I wanted and seen all who I wanted to see. So I left then, and took my time getting home, stopping at an outlet mall and doing what I wanted to do.

This year, I went the had the schedule and dates I wanted to go for no other reason than that those were the two "most fun" days.