Field Day / Reunion /Ahhhh!

This weekend is the ham radio field day weekend. I am a ham radio operator. Most years, there is a family reunion on the second day of field day. (Field day is the forth Saturday and the following Sunday. The reunion is the Fourth Sunday, which usually follows the forth Saturday, but occasionally follows the third Saturday)

Because I dreaded hubbie being snowed in by JB and his mood after a visit, I was not able to enjoy Field Day weekend. Before I quit seeing JB, I often had to leave field day and go to the reunion.

Even when hubbie didn't go to the reunion, he often went to JB's that weekend which mean $$$$ spent.

This year he is working so he won't be going. In past years, I would have been happy he was working and therefore unable to attend. This year -- it really doesn't mater. If he wanted to go, I don't think it wold bother me like it has in the past. I would not go because I'm going to be at field day.

I was right about my feelings

You know how you sometimes tell yourself you feel something, but you doubt that you feel that way?

Well, I confirmed how I feel. I always got upset when hubbie wanted to visit JB and did NOT want him to go. I always told myself that it was just her, and it was only because I knew that his visiting her was going to cost us dearly --financially and emotionally. He always had to buy her something when he went or as a result of going. She'd lay the guilt trip on him about going. He often had to do physical labor repairing stuff too. It would bug me when he'd fix things for her he wouldn't fix for us!

Then the whole trip -- because of how things are there would get him into a funk. He would be very hard to get along with for days after.

He wants to go see his sister now. I really don't mind. I don't have those feelings. I did ask him to not go this week because we had company over. But he has a couple days off next week and he might go. That is fine with me. It isn't stirring up any emotions of fears within me. I'm pretty neutral about him going. I don't feel all "oh yippeee, he's going about it." But more like "That's fine. Hope it works out for them." I even asked him "Did you get up with your sister?"

There is even a family reunion this weekend. I always dreaded him going. If he wants to go this year, that's fine too!

So, it's not his family that bugs me, just his parents and their attitudes.

More About Phone Calls

I now think that MIL was playing games with the phone up until she died. I posted about how she would hang up when I answered and later tell hubbie that I had pretended not to hear her. AFter that, I started specifically reported every hangup call I got to him. There was one that was pretty obviously her. After that, she only called him on the cell phone.


I still got the occasional hangup. I finally accepted that now these were the normal hangups of robocallers or rude people with the wrong number. A lot of them were late at night. But MIL has been dead for 4-1/2 months. IN THAT PERIOD OF TIME, I HAVE NOT HAD A SINGLE HANGUP CALL. So now, I again think that maybe those were her.


I really did not suspect her until after she died. There were several reasons I didn't think it was her before. First, it was only 3 or 4 calls a month -- nothing so excessive it could not have been wrong numbers. Second is that it was so much more like 15 year old behavior than 75 year old behavior -- even if the person had lots of other problems and faults. And third, she only called DH's cell when she wanted to talk to him since the incident of me yelling across the house.

But another reason TO suspect is that these calls is the timing. They happened around 4:30 pm or just before midnight. She was a night owl -- forwarding emails all night long.

I am pretty sure that she knew that hubbie got home around 5:30 and I got home around 4 and that DH goes to bed around 10 and I stay until after the weather on the 11:00 news, or sometimes later. These calls were before he got home and after he went to bed -- times that I would be the one to answer the phone.

It just occurred to me to day that she was checking to see if I was still in his life and hoping I wasn't since I cut her out of mine? The calls were at the times that I would normally be the one to answer and not him.

Finally, Validation from Mom

When at my parents yesterday, my Mom was asking about the after the funeral luncheon for MIL. I happened to ask Mom why she did not go.

But an invitation was issued at graveside for EVERYONE to attend. I kind of expected her to show. I did not say anything to her at the funeral like "are you coming?" I did not want her there because she is always trying to get me to "make nice" with the ILs and I was not up to the pressure of Mom's hounding me to be the bigger person and being around the ILs at the same time. In fact, my Mom was the most stressful thing about MIL's funeral.

But to the topic of this post. My Mom often says "I feel sorry for JB....", "I like JB", "She probably just (fill in blank as excuse for JB's bad behavior)", "JB has had a hard life", "You need to suck it up, I put up with a lot from my ILs for your Dad", etc.

Sunday, Mom asked me about the dinner. When I answered her, I threw in "why didn't you go?" Not that I wanted her to and not that I asked her. I expected her to say that it was because she didn't get a personal invite.

I loved her unexpected answer. Mom said, "I am not comfortable around your hubbie's family." Of course, I took the chance to say "ME NEITHER."

We take every little bit of validation we can get from the normally unsupportive.

But of course, she isn't comfortable around them. If they weren't my in-laws, she'd talk worse about them than I do -- seeing as how Mom has her nose in the air and ILs are white trash. She did not say why she wasn't comfortable, but I already know.

New Problem

This isn't exactly a JB problem. But I found out something disturbing about another member of the family. I can't get into it. But it is disturbing enough that I need to follow up and get more information. Hubbie has known about it for at least a week and maybe for months and never told me. This could cost me another 2K and lots of time to find out what I need to know and why it was kept from me.

The Funeral Panties

Here is a picture of the material from the panties mentioned in the post about JB's Funeral.

How EJ (JB's Hubbie) and JB Died

FIL - EJ died from a hospital pneumonia. He went in complaining of stomach pains. They never found what was causing them. I didn't know if I believed him or not, but he did go through a lot to get attention. They did endoscopy, colonoscopy and other tests. This was after him going in several times, being given Prilosec, and sent home. To my knowledge, they never tested him for food poisoning or food-derived illnesses. Re-read the nasty house post -- think that was a possibility? When they were getting ready to send him home, his lungs started filling with fluid. Hubbie said he didn't have the strength to fight it because he'd had nothing to eat for a week due to the tests. Hospital Pneumonia.

(I described the house nastiness in my other blog)

MIL-JB went into the hospital complaining of vague stomach ailments as well. When she had been there for about 24 hours, she went in to "septic shock". Her blood pressure dropped and she became unconscious. She had just eaten when she went to the hospital. I did some looking. There are some forms of food illness that can (rarely) cause sepsis. There are some hospital bugs that go around that can cause that too.

The hospital is not a good one. My own Grandmother died in the same hospital. GM was old and had incurable cancer, but there is a good chance that a medication error shortened her life. (Which in my GM's case was not necessarily bad considering her age and condition.) Also I had an Aunt that died due to a cancer that was not diagnosed that SHOULD have been diagnosed and would have been curable if it had been. Her Dr. was at the same hospital.

I still wonder if both MIL and FIL initiated their final stays due to undiagnosed food borne illness considering that it's really not checked for that much, they both had gastric complaints, that there was lots of potential for food poisoning in their house. With an already incompetent hospital, would they find something an competent one usually does not find?